Have you ever watched a violent storm roll in and think, “I should prep the house, bring down the patio umbrellas, close the windows, secure the loose items” but instead, you stand and watch, unable to draw yourself away from the magnificent rolling clouds? You’re mesmerized by the lightning and sound of thunder, desperate to count the seconds between the booms. After the storm passes, you assess the damage and find your umbrella in the neighbor’s yard, your grill cover hanging on the edge of the fence, and your trampoline 6 doors down and ask yourself, “why didn’t I prepare for impending doom?!”
This is precisely how I would describe my restructuring situation. I had been in my former company long enough to know the signs that the winds were changing and my position was unstable, not tethered to the business. I should have been less optimistic about the announcement that the group that I just moved to, after 21 years in a different division of the company, was merging with another area. My naive, possibly in-denial-self thought, “well they put me on the integration team and I’ve got street cred doing years of transformation work, certainly I’ll make it through unharmed”.
Unfortunately, my usual sunny disposition set me up for being completely unprepared and blindsided by the fateful early morning video call with my Associate Vice President to tell me that I was just an employee number whose time had run out. After 22 years of pledging my loyalty and faithfulness, my identity was stripped away in an instant. Who was I without my corporate title? When people ask me where I work and what I do for a living, how do I now respond?
I learned very quickly that many individuals harshly judge you when they hear that you have been laid off. I was prepared for that part with a rebuttal and an explanation, but it doesn’t mean that their words, their facial expressions, and their reactions didn’t chip away at my bruised and battered ego. I thought, if I can just show them my performance ratings from the past 22 years, they will see that it wasn’t due to my lack of abilities or my work ethic. If I could control the narrative, certainly they’ll see that I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. And then I realized something that was vital to my mental health and well-being: I didn’t owe anyone an explanation. Frankly, it was none of anyone’s business. I knew my worth and my value. As a result, I surrounded myself with my cheerleaders and my little community of “outcasts” who were going through the same journey as I was. I didn’t want to be told, “The company will regret their decision because you were doing the job of many.” Sentiments like that were not helpful. I wanted to be told, “You are an amazing individual with many skills and talent and I have full faith that you will land on your feet”.
While I’m now 8 months into this journey of finding my new identity outside of corporate, I have the following insights to offer:
Take time to heal: During the hustle and bustle of a fast-paced corporate role, I never felt like I could afford to take the time to recover from the stressful moments. During the pandemic, I worked 16-hr days on a confidential, stressful project and never recovered from the burn out it caused. It has taken me the full 8-months to right my nervous system and reset my brain.
Try Grateful Journaling: Once the whirlwind of trying to close out 22 years of memories in just 8 days passed, I created a “Grateful Journal”. Using the native iOS Journal App, I dutifully captured the things I did each day that I likely wouldn’t have had the opportunity to do if I had been working. The iPhone app reminded me daily that it was journal time and allowed me to add photos and videos to each duys’ entry. Rather than sit in self-pity, I cherished each moment that the restructuring gave me to be present. Maintaining a positive attitude is a key element of building resiliency and grateful journaling is a great tool for exercising the resiliency muscle.
Build or lean on your community: The irony was not lost on me that my role of “Community Manager” was being eliminated but the first thing I did upon notice of the restructuring was to build a community of people who were also impacted. We freely shared our struggles with navigating the various vague documents, endless rabbit hole link traps, and emotions that came with the heartache and frustration of being laid off. In turn, we created our own Community of Practice for those who would come after us every three months. I created a shared “How To Navigate the Layoff” document that others could add insights to as part of our knowledge management tool for the next waves of the layoff. Never did I feel alone in my journey and I’m grateful for the friendships that I found in our creatively named “Optimization Outcasts” group.
Seize the opportunities: Finding yourself unemployed in this environment can lead to a downward spiral very quickly. Rather than spending your time watching reels about job losses for the quarter, make a list of the things you’ve been wanting to do but couldn’t because work got in the way. I went to a local flower show in February, the Lancaster, PA greenhouses in March, and a tulip farm in April. I also started a book club. I had always planned to carve time out of my busy schedule to do many of these things, but an important meeting always came up and plans would get canceled. Without my corporate identity, I struggled with my sense of purpose. Having a bucket list of things I wanted to do helped me to enjoy my layoff time (or sabbatical, as I lovingly refer to it).
While I would never wish this situation on anyone, I am incredibly grateful for my sabbatical and having time to actually stop and smell the tulips.
What is one activity you’d love to do if you just had some extra time?
