We are moving our firstborn child into college this week and everyone has asked me, at least 3 times daily, “how are you going to cope without her?” and each time I pause to think, “will I be as emotionally destroyed as everyone suggests?!”. But the challenge with change is, if you haven’t personally experienced it before, even after someone has attempted to warn you, without a previous experience to draw from, you can’t fully comprehend what lies ahead. Watching my daughter prepare to move away highlights a universal truth: change is context-agnostic. Personal shifts and career pivots trigger the same underlying anxiety, and navigating them requires the same internal tools.
After leading change management efforts on multiple cross-functional projects over the past two decades, I’ve learned a few keys traits about myself and change:
Change can feel like a lack of control: Change requires activation energy, a self-reflection that a change in behavior may need to occur, and extra work that slows down your rhythm. I only like change when I think I can control the outcome. When being forced to change from an old process to a new process, I will focus on the impact to me, rather than a potential greater good for the community. While I’m excited for my daughter to expand her world, if I’m honest with myself, I’m anxious about my inability to ensure a positive outcome and the disruption to my comfortable normal.
Change requires grace: This week, as I expect to be an emotional puddle, I hope that others grant me grace. It’s very difficult to put yourself in someone’s shoes or pause to wonder why they are reacting a certain way. Recently, our pediatrician’s office merged with a large hospital chain and suddenly, I was in the struggle with them. As I was in a fight for my life with the NCAA paperwork requirements, I found myself in their office at least once a week for the first 6 weeks of their transition. It became apparent immediately that the staff had never experienced Microsoft Teams, SharePoint, or Outlook. As I sat in the waiting room and watched other parents grow frustrated with the new processes and perceived incompetence, I realized that I was watching the struggles of change in real time. The first week, I was frustrated, ready to yank our patient charts and find a new pediatrician office but then my training in change execution management and customer experience took over. I made a conscious effort to grant them grace. Each time the receptionist slammed her headset down in frustration because of a fight with MS Teams, I smiled at her. I felt her frustration to my core because I had been there before. Over the course of 6 weeks, I silently watched her learn new skills, become more confident, and she eventually smiled back. The next time you see someone struggling with implementing something new, grant them grace.
Change = Growth: As my daughter spreads her wings and starts her college adventure, my response on repeat when asked, “is she excited to leave for college” is “as a fiercely independent woman, she is ready and I’m excited to watch her grow.” With change comes growth and the biggest growth happens when we’re uncomfortable. I know my daughter is anxious about getting homesick, messing up her laundry, dealing with awkward roommate situations, and every unknown out there, but I also know that each time I have taken a leap of faith in my career or my life, that is when I grew the most. While I didn’t comprehend at the time that my career knowledge was laying a foundation for her journey, I see it so clearly now and I’m thankful for all my mentors and leaders that shaped my understanding of the necessity of change and find solace in sending her into her own “unknown”.
It’s funny how I spent the better part of her 18 years building a wall between my parenting life and my corporate life because that was what I thought was expected of me but now that I’m no longer living the corporate life, I see those parts of me are intertwined and each have influenced the other. I wouldn’t be the parent I am today if I didn’t have my corporate “upbringing”, and I’m grateful for the journey that brought me here.
What aspects of your work life have influenced your personal life?
